The Big Bad Out of Doors

I know a lot of you enjoy your rides in the stroller or a nice walk outside on a harness but I am an indoors only kitty. I like to wait at the doors when the people go outside or they come inside the doors, that's perfectly fine. In fact, I even enjoy the sun porch and its full length glass door. I also like to sit at the window and sniff the air through the screen but that's the extent of my interest in the Out of Doors.

I've tried the stroller ride and while I was OK 'cause Latte was with me I yelled the whole time. The Lap Lady does not understand my deep seated hatred of the Out of Doors but she also must not know about the Vishus Deer and the other assorted evil creatures out there.

Yesterday the Lap Lady must have wanted to torture me. She carried me to the place where the man leaves the goodies in a box. You know, like the goodies Skeezix sent for his birthday? That stuff gets left in a box right outside the porch door. The Lap Lady decided since she was holding me and I was purring nicely just to take me outside with her for 20 seconds. Wrong. The whole neighborhood must have heard me yelling at her. "Get me back indoors you crazy woman!" which sounds to humans like, "MarrrroOOOOW! MRRRRR! MAAAARRRROOOOW!" I didn't scramble because I feel safe with the Lap Lady holding me, I just wanted to go back inside.

But it gets worse!!! As soon as we entered the porch I started to purr again so all was well. She walked through the house and I continued to praise her through purss- I think positive reinforcement is best for humans. We walked into the kitchen so I assumed I'd be getting some nice stinky goodness but instead she walked out the back door! I was still in her arms!! I started yelling again. The Tall Man was out on the deck and he thought it was funny how upset I was. He told her to put me down on the deck and see what I did. I can't believe she listened to him but she did stay within 6" of picking me up the whole time. It was HORRIBLE! I hated the deck and just wanted to go inside. I yelled some more and after 30 seconds of the torture the Lap Lady lifted me back up and placed me inside.

It didn't take long to recover from the ordeal but I sure hope the Lap Lady stops wanting me to help her get the mail.


Merlin said...

Oh, Kaze that sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to endure such a traumatic event.

I, too, am an indoors only kitty. I'm not sure how I would react if my Mom tried to take me outside! That's really really scary!

I'm glad you're okay.

Junior said...

Me Meowma tells me that She Who Came Before Me (China) was always an indoor kitty only. Meowma tucked her in her coat one day when she went to get her mail. Meowma says that if China could have crawled under her skin she would have. Meowma also tried to take China for some walks....but all she did was lay low to the ground and not move.....so Meowma gave up.

I wish she would take me outside...I love it! But since I escaped that one time she has kept me inside. :(

THE ZOO said...

ohh boy we is indoors only kittys too. only snow(the alpha) dares to want to go there. none of the rest of us are interested. this one time the boy (who doesnt live here but belongs to meowmy) was here and he wanted to take stevie outside on the deck. sisfur kept saying not to. oh and he was shirtless. he opened the door and stevie felt the breeze and scratched the boy good and gotted down and ran and he didnt even go out the door. meowmy & sisfur was laughing at the boy as he was crying cause stevie cut him so bad.

Anonymous said...

Oh Kaze it is good that you want to stay inside. It can be dangerous out there. I don't know what your beans were thinking!
We like to do outside, although Mewomie would prefer if we stayed inside. But Bubbles makes awfull screaming sounds when she does not let him out.

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

try ta take me outside an you'll be bleeding. it's nuffin purrsonal, just that yur skin's gonna get in the way of my frantic escape. Midnight an Grr kinda wanna 'vestigate though. they're nuts.

Skeeeeezix the Cat said...

Win I was a kid, I THOT I reely wunted to go outside, but that feeling wint away. Sertinly, the everprezint vishus deer thret makes it difficult to enjoy spending time outdoors, but I've fownd that short walks on my harniss and my stroler rides are just enuf outside time for me. They leeve a can of "Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt" in the bin at the bottom of my stroler, so I can relax and injoy the ride. But being inside is defintly better than being an outside cat.